


the art of discreetly falling apart  ( SPOILER WARNING FOR INFINITY WAR)

by tokyoghouI



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Death, Grief, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, Someone Had To, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, anxiety attack, i hate myself for writing this but, not blood related but you know how it is, this is my first fic ive written in years so please dont judge me, tony is peters dadbasically
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-02 04:25:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14536608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokyoghouI/pseuds/tokyoghouI
Summary: SPOILERS!!!!!.........basically just how tony deals with peter dying in his hands





	the art of discreetly falling apart  ( SPOILER WARNING FOR INFINITY WAR)

**Author's Note:**

> helloooo so this is my first fic ive written in years,,,,,, english isnt my first language so please dont expect anything good from me skjsdkjd,,,,, if you havent watched infinity war i wouldnt read this because there are gonna be major spoilers in here!!!! so i dont know how many chapters this is gonna have but there are gonna be scenes containing anxiety attacks, feeling suicidal probably, alcohol abuse and all that stuff so if you feel uncomfortable reading this please dont do it i dont want to hurt anyone! ! i havent read the comics yet so if i get anything wrong or dont remember something from a movie please dont kill me my memory is very bad ,,,,,

He didn't know exactly when everything went wrong. It might've been when Tony tried to get peter off the ship but he got stuck and sneaked on the ship anyways. Stupid stupid boy. Now they were in the middle of god knows where on a dry ass planet and -god he would never get this dust out of his throat. He and peter where with people they barely knew; the wizard doctor, the Quill boy, this giant dense rock called Drax and Mantis, who actually turned out way stronger than he thought she would be, when she single-handedly made Thanos fall asleep for a good two minutes. Oh yeah. Thanos. He forgot to mention him. Giant purple villain who looked like a mix of a fig and a pawn shop owner and just happened to be the most powerful being in the universe, with four infinity stones (literally) on his hand. They had the perfect plan on their hand to get all the stones back, if it weren't for Quill finding out Thanos just sacrificed the love of his life. Tony couldn't blame him though, he reacted about the same way when he found out Bucky had killed his parents. Anyways, right now Thanos was kicking his ass, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't knock him out. Hours and hours of working to make his strongest suit yet, and he only managed to scratch his face.. He knew they didn't stand a chance. But he still tried to fight so he could get Peter back on earth safe. The boy must be exhausted by now because he's been wearing his binder for hours on end. It began looking bad for Tony; Thanos had managed to kick off some pieces of his suit, leaving his arm exposed and at last, Tonys helmet being kicked away. And then everything stopped. The panting and wincing of his comrades, as they tried to get up, the heat and the heavy air, the ringing in his ears from hitting his head one to many times. It all stopped as the realization of the cold silver knife in his stomach drowned everything out and submerged Tony as if a velvet cloak had suddenly coated his senses. Next thing he knew was pain. Pain like there was nothing else in the world. He couldn't breathe anymore there was only sharp, crystal clear pain in his lungs, in his brains, in his veins. It felt like everything he had ever known was pain and it felt like he was drowning, losing every sense as he sank lower and lower in this velvet night. He had never really thought about dying. Sure, he thought about taking his life, spent many nights flinching awake because of the horrid nightmares of getting killed. But he never actually thought about ~really~ dying. He never thought he would take his last breath in space, on an unknown planet, surrounded by mostly strangers, who had grown close to his heart in this short time though. And of course there was the closest thing he would ever have to a family; Peter. Peter. He tried calling out for him, tried turning around to tell him he would get him back safe. But he couldn´t see and his mouth began to slowly fill with blood. He thought about leaving Pepper back on earth, thought about their last call. The last time he would ever speak to her was when the signal cut off.... she would never know how he died. She would never have a corpse to bury. Just another tombstone above an empty grave. If Thanos would win and mange to kill the whole universe there would be so many more empty graves. It became increasingly harder to breathe. He began to feel dizzy and tried to ignore that his hands were covered in blood, and that he was completely and utterly helpless in this moment. Everything he had worked so tirelessly in building up, trying to build an armour around his fear of being helpless, had been knocked down at once. Maybe that feeling was even worse than the pain that was still burning up every nerve of his body. Just as he thought he wouldn't make it, he heard a faint voice. “stop it. Let him live”. He turned around to see Strange looking straight at Thanos. That couldn´t be right.... “let him live and I will give you the stone”. Tony wanted to yell no, tell Strange that nothing was more important than this tiny green stone. But the force of Thanos losing his grip on the knife knocked the air right out of his lungs. “no tricks this time”, the titan growled. Strange nodded and suddenly there it was, the time stone, floating through the air, right into Thanos´ hand. He put it into his gauntlet, now counting 5 stones, and within the blink of an eye, he dissapeared. “Did we just loose?”, Quill asked breathless after jumping after Thanos, but finding nothing but the dry ground. Tony used a little device on his suit that Peters friend Shuri had given him, which glued wounds together and could reproduce tissue really fast. The pain was lifted instantly and left behind was just the heavy certainty of knowing they had failed. There was no good way of putting it. They had failed and now they could do nothing but wallow in this feeling. Tony was confused. He was just a stranger to Strange. A few hours ago he clearly stated that if it came to saving the stone he would let Tony or the boy die. And now he had given away one of the fucking infinity stones just to save his life. His meaningless life. He tried to ignore the tears that were falling out of his eyes because he was angry and frustrated. He didn't deserve to have his life saved. Especially not at the price of so many potential deaths. He had already caused too much pain in this world. “Why did you do this?!” he screamed and stumbled forward to grab the other man by his collar. “Why?”. He wanted to shake Strange, punch him, but he couldn't so he just stared into his eyes hoping to get an answer. “Tony ..”, Strange started but Tony had already let go and was now kneeling down on the ground because he couldn't breathe. His thoughts began racing and he thought of Pepper dying, Thor dying, Peter dying, Banner dying, Steve dying began to flood his mind. Steve, who he hadn't talked to in so long. They would all die just because he was there and because in some twisted reality of Doctor Strange it had apparently made sense to trade the stone for his life. He clutched his chest and tried to focus on breathing, but it was so hard. The more he focused on trying to breathe, the more he became aware of it and the harder it became. It felt like he was forcefully heaving air into his lungs but his chest just raised and sank way to fast for any air to remain. He felt trapped and paralized like if he even moved an inch the last bit of floor he was holding onto would crumble under his knees. Then Quill was by his side, shaking him a bit. “yo, Stark. Stark. Listen to me. You gotta breathe okay? Its okay, Thanos is gone, he's not gonna hurt you any more”. Concern was clear on his face. Tony took a deep breath and choked out “its … its not okay Quill. We just lost our only chance at fighting Thanos. The only one in over fourteen million”. He began coughing but as Quill rubbed his back it was more manageable to breathe again. After a few minutes he got up and looked around awkwardly. Everyone's eyes were on him. “Uh well then, lets try to make a plan on how to get off here and look for everyone else”. Blood was rushing into his head and he wished he still had his helmet because he felt so ashamed. 'Great job Tony', he thought, 'great job losing it like that in front of everyone, especially Peter. Couldn't you stay strong for one god damn person. No wonder no one trusts you as an Avenger'. Sitting down next to Peter, he tried to shake off these annoying voices in his head. “You okay there bud?”, he asked the boy, trying to seem composed. "Don't you wanna lay low on the binding for a bit? The binder I built into this suit is expandable so you can relax while you're not fighting. Its not good to keep so much pressure on you all the time. Are you sure you didn't get a rib broken? God I´m so sorry I wish I could-”, Peter stopped his rambling by putting a hand on his shoulder and looking into his eyes. “Mr stark I´m okay, I really am. My ribs or back don't hurt at all. This new suit really is amazing. Thank you so much”, he smiled in a greatful way and Tony could feel his heart breaking and putting itself back together at the same time. He cared so much for this boy, he would never forgive himself if anything happened to him. “And I´m sorry Mr stark for not listening to you and staying on the ship. I really didn't think this through. Once we get back on earth I´m gonna be more careful and spend my time trying out the new gadgets of this amazing suit!”. Peters eyes lighted up while talking about his new suit and Tony felt more okay by the second. “ don't you worry kid, Quill and me are gonna get us down to earth real quick and then this will all be forgotten. Trust me, I didn't think this through either when I got up on this giant donut". “Donut?”, Drax, who sat in a circle with the other guys, turned around, “did someone say donut? I am hungry.” Tony couldn't help but laugh at this moment, and Drax, though confused, joined in after muttering “so no donut?”, under his breath. Everyone also joined in after a while and for a moment it seemed like it may actually turn out okay. Of course, as Tony Starks life will, that was only for a moment. And just as sudden as he promised Pepper to not have any surprises anymore this morning (or was it yesterday, or even a week ago? Time in space really doesn't exist), Mantis suddenly raised her head looking panicked. “something's happening”. They all looked at each other, wondering what that meant. Mantis herself looked quite confused. Then, as gently as a soft breeze, she began to turn into dust. And a second later, she was gone. Just like that. Like someone just snapped their fingers and made her disappear. Tony didn't really have time to think about what had just happened, because Drax, looking just as stunned as everyone else started to disappear as well. “Quill?” he asked, before he too , was gone. Quill looked at Tony, shocked. “what the-” he started, but the rest was just dust falling to the ground. Tony was in complete shock. Nothing made sense. What was happening? Nothing in his brain could explain this. “Tony.” He turned around to look Doctor Strange in the eye, “there was no other way”, the man said before disapearing. Now almost everyone was gone and Tony dreaded, feared, with every fibre of his being, what might happen next. Before he could end his train of thought, Peter started to shake “Mr Stark I don't feel so good”, whispered the boy as he started to stumble around. “You're alright” Tony said as he tried to compose his thoughts. His hands started shaking. This isn't happening. This couldn't be. “ I don't know what's happening, I don't know what's happening”. Peters voice broke and tears started to form in his eyes. He stumbled forwards into Tony´s arms and that was the moment Tony thought he could actually hear his heart break into pieces. This boy, who he had coached, spent so much time with, but never really had an intimate relationship with, was now crying into his embrace, fearing the inevitability of what his spidey senses had already made him realize minutes ago would happen. Tony loved him like a son and Peter had always shown admiration for the older man, but Tony wouldn't let him get to him. The friendly neighbourhood spiderman still managed it though. Peter was clasping onto his shoulders, tears streaming down his face. “I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go, sir, please”. Tony started to cry too. 'If I could do anything I would do it boy, trust me', he thought, as his worst nightmare began to turn into reality right in front of his own two eyes. “Please I don't wanna go. I don't wanna go”, Peter choked out a last time, before sinking down on the ground. If Tony thought getting stabbed was painful, it seemed like a small pinch compared to the pure pain he was going through right now. Peters features softened a bit. He looked a Tony, and with one last breath he whispered: “I´m sorry.” His face turned to ash and the next thing Tony knew, he fell forwards, into the blaring air where the boy had been seconds ago. There was only a bit of dust left on his fingers. As quiet as snow, as creeping as the darkness, Tony became numb. It was like the planet he was on, that was dusty and dry all along, just became suffocating with this fucking dust. He couldn't breathe, felt as if he just took one breath, he would breathe in Peter, fucking breathe in his non blood related son, his family, his /friend/. The dust of everyone who died in the matter of just a few minutes, even though they seemed like hours for Tony, every particle of the remains of his friends like an eternity of grief, slowly but surely vanished with the wind. He couldn't do anything but collapse on the ground, gripping onto his own hands, where a bit of Peters dust remained like a faint memory. Then he drowned in the pain that had sat at the back of his mind ever since Mantis fainted away, slowly creeping through his whole brain, devouring every last happy thought and confirming his biggest fear: the boy he swore to protect, one of the only things he still held dear to his heart, died right in his arms, and Tony Stark, may he be a genius, the only Iron Man in the world, one of the strongest Avengers, a mega mind. He couldn't do one damn thing to stop it.


End file.
